Lately I have been feeling like someone is out to get me at work. Today I had an epiphany though! I'm being paranoid- I just can't figure out why. Work has been hounding me about a lot of stupid things and now the chief of police has reopened an IA investiagation that was supposed to be an "unfounded accusastion" according the the investigator. However the chief apparentyl feels different. I am just so sick of looking over my should at work b/c everyone is such a backstabber. I became a cop to help people, not get shit on by the community and my co-workers and boss! HELLO!!!!! So anyway, now I have this big meeting in the chiefs office and I'm considering filing a lawsuit for the whole hiring thing they put me through and also b/c now it seems they are trying to get rid of me since I am in the process of starting up a union! So anyway, I've been feeling really paranoid about work like they are trying to fire me or get me to quit... so I guess I'll know tomorrow for sure or not. I spoke with a LT about it and he said not to worry about it that this was common with our current chief... so who knows maybe I am just being paranoid like the lady I dealt with yesterday on a call. Maybe that's why I'm so much more calm about this whole thing today- maybe that was  the reason I got sent that crazy lady- my message. She said her neighbor was part of the mob and was paying people to try and kill her by running her off the road and kick her out of her house. She was conviced this guy tried to kill her by hitting her car (he was at fault!) Anyway, I guess I just learn more and more everyday to be patient and see where things lead- there is no use in getting upset over spilt milk right? Maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn in this life- but who really knows???

 Blessed Be,

Tori

PS- hope this blog makes a little sense to y'all-I'm a little scattered in my thoughts right now since I've got trouble at work and with the X and step daughter....

     Well it is finally here! The orientation day for the police academy! Tomorrow I am an official cadet! I have waited so long for this dream to begin and now here I am on the horizon of it watching it unfold. Now all I have to do is buckle down and get through the 6 months of books, physical exercise (*read: torment), firing range, high speed driving, etc. Then I can go out and get my dream job! YEAH! And however said you can't put a price on your derams LIED! The price of my dream is about $4000.00! :0 But considering I've wanted this since I was 5 years old I guess I've had enough time to save- LOL! Anyway, the agency I work for still isn't offering me a position as a fully sworn officer- they say they are holding applications until January 1st (* read: they want me to pay for it, not them). But I have applications out in multiple agencies and I can't complain because the rest of my life os amazing. I just found a co-worker who's wife is friend with a neighboring sherrif, so maybe i'll get a job elsewhere after all. (Besides, if I put myself through I am not tied to Delray Police for 3 years to pay back the academy "loan" from them so I can go wherever I want.) That's good, so I'm trying to be optimistic and have a positive attitude. (That's a major feat for someone who works with society's worst day in and day out.)

    Other than that all else is great. My husband is amazing, my mother is finally accepting that she can't change my faith (she's still struggling against it a bit though), my sister is doing wonderfully in school and my step daughter is warming up to me because her mother stopped acting like I ended the world when I married her ex husband!) I even did a few readings on this b/c the X has tried this before to lure my husband back (yeah right!) But the cards say she is probably sincere as she is experiencing a great shift in her perspectives and dreams... So let's hope!

Brightest Blessings and a Merry Yuletide Y'all!

Tori

Well work was better for awhile, until I was told that they didn't want to hire me as a sworn officer because I wasn't feminine enough. Then I started to make a fuss and I threatened a sexual harassment lawsuit. So, they started me back through the hiring process. However, they are moving at snail pace and are trying to fill up the one and only spot before I get through the process. On top of that they are slapping on all these disciplinary investigations (stupid stuff too- like missing court, not shutting off my cop car, etc) trying to get me to give up on the process and the lawsuit... but all it is doing is pissing me off some more! So I keep fighting all these stupid investigations but I am so sick of fighting for everything! Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't do the job!!!!! I have been luck that my husband has been so supportive! I'm ready to quit, but since that's what they want so I will keep working until I graduate the night time police academy and get a job with another agency. Wish me luck!

 Tori

Well,

     The one good thing that happened this week was that I found out I have been accepted into the night time police academy starting Jan 15th!! YEAH! That means I can get a job at another police department and leave the crappy one I work at now! I have seriously been thinking of filing a sexual discrimination lawsuit against them b/c they told me I wasn't "Feminine enough" to be a fully sworn cop. (I'm a CSO now- that's like being half citizen and half cop- I work on the road in a marked unit and take calls and all that, I just don't carry a gun.) So anyway, I signed up for the police academy on my own so I could go elsewhere... and I go it. Then I found out that my financial aid for the $4000.00 academy is out of wack. My scholarship won't cover it and the school is saying I have taken more then 90 credit hours, even though I already graduated with my AA degree, so how could I keep taking classes??? Plus my step daughter came down, and while the visit was mostly a success there are always these little jabs about me not being good enough and stuff like that. (although they have gotten very rare.) The weirdest part was that the X was nice when we dropped her off--- b/c she needed my husband to pull down the halloween boxes from the attic. I was even allowed in the house to pee (it is a 3 hour drive to drop my step daughter off), and the X was codial, not nice, but not rude either. Then she wanted to borrow my 3rd season of grey's anatomy, and she gave me her carrie nderwood CD to copy! I swear I think I left this dimension and entered another dimension for the whole 15 minutes we were at that house! It was CRAZY! This is the woman who calls me sl*t and wh*re and *itch... and the same woman who says i'm just a piece of *ss for my husband and that we won't last and all that! Tell me that isn't weird- I say it is the calm before the storm... I wonder if she thinks that she can take him back to court for my raise (she can't in FL but I don't know if she knows that or not)? Anyway- Wow that was crazy long- sorry guys!

 Brightest Blessing,

Tori

Well,

    It's Wednesday and I feel like it should be Friday. So I figured I would punctuate my week with a blog (since they are so rear and far between). Nothing much new is going on, just work, school and my domestic zoo at home. I did find some great spells and invocations to Hecate, my patron Goddess, along with Athena. Other then that it is dark and dreary and is making my day kinda low. So anyway. Blessed Be!

 Tori